


Reprieve

by Cigamina



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, alternative universe, mentions of character death in the past, no kinky hospital sex I swear, set in a hospital for the most part, vegetative state
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-08-15 12:43:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8056873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cigamina/pseuds/Cigamina
Summary: 16-year-old highschool student Levi Ackermann has been sentenced to community service hours after having been caught pickpocketing. Resentful at having to spend 120 hours in a hospital helping nurses and orderlies he hates every single minute of his first day - until he meets a very special patient who will not only make his work at the hospital much more interesting but also help him get his life (shit) together.





	1. Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! <3 
> 
> I've been thinking about this story for a while and as I've been unable to forget about it I've decided to write it down.  
> Some people (namely the unfortunate ones that are following my story 'Attachment') will probably scream at me to finish one thing before starting the next... and you're right! XD I'm working on Attachment, I'm currently fixing the parts that are already out there as well as working on the newest chapter. I hope to get that one out there as soon as possible. Please be patient just a little longer...! I love you all! <3 
> 
> This story won't be very long. Maybe like 12-15 chapters, I'll see about that. The chapters also won't be very long so I hope to be able to move through this fairly quickly. *3* 
> 
> The summary doesn't sound very serious... but the story actually is. 
> 
> Note that you'll come across topics like anxiety, trauma, death, angst. It's nothing too grave but I just want you to be aware of this. 
> 
> I've tried to keep the whole thing as realistically as possible, took a lot of things from what I know about medicine and from working for doctors for some time, the rest was research. I might not always be 100% accurate, I'm not a neuro-surgeon (yet XD), but I tried to back up everything I'll write about. 
> 
> I promise not to kill anybody in this. Not even Farlan and Isabel. XD The death that I mentioned earlier happened in the past.
> 
> Okay... let's get this on the road then. <3 
> 
> OH. Yeah, gotta tell you: I'm not a native speaker, I'm probably committing grave spelling and grammatical errors without even realising it. Please forgive me for those! TAT 
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing:  
> Ed Sheeran - Shape Of You   
> Halsey - Gasoline   
> Rudimental - Lay It All On Me (Sultan + Shepard Remix)
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading! <3

~*~

6 o'clock in the morning. On a Saturday. Had it been any other Saturday morning he would stumble home right now, drunk out of his mind and only barely able to find his house. The club he usually snuck into with a fake ID would have just thrown them out because they wanted to close – the others were probably out there in that very moment, getting coffee after a night of goth music and absinthe. Levi huffed and took a drag from his cigarette, begrudgingly walking towards the high building looming over him. 

The others didn't have to be at the stupid hospital at this ungodly hour. 

'We think that 120 hours of communal service are appropriate here.' 

“We hope that you'll think about what you have done while giving back to society,” Levi mocked the words of the judge, swearing under his breath. Tch. They hadn't been able to give him anything better than that – being caught pick pocketing at the age of 16 apparently was punished by making you help old people dress and bring them dinner or some shit. It sounded stupid to Levi's ears – who could guarantee that he wouldn't steal a rich old bastard's wallet while they slept. He rolled his eyes. 

“Why the fuck didcha do that? Ya get pocket money and if ya need more ye can friggin' ask! I didn't raise ya like that!” His uncle's agitated voice rang in his ears and his jaw still stung from the blow it had received – he probably deserved that one. In a way Kenny had told him that he was worried about Levi's future – he just sucked at expressing his concerns. 

Levi tsked. 

Deeply inhaling the last drag of the cigarette he flicked the stub into a big ashtray offered to smoking visitors at the entrance sliding doors, blowing out the smoke when he entered the hospital's reception hall. He immediately gagged, the typical stench of awful food and sick people scratching at the back of his mind. 

If Kenny hadn't personally seen to Levi getting up and 'getting his fucking ass there on fucking time' he would probably just have stayed in bed. Who cared if they dragged him back to court for not showing up for his community service? Probably only Kenny. Levi genuinely didn't give a single fuck. 

Looking around him he huffed, already fed up with this bother – there were two reception desks. He had been told to report in at the reception. Raking his hand through his outgrown Mohawk he considered just leaving. This was already bothersome... he could always text Farlan to find out where they were and go join them, maybe they'd be smoking. That thought was so much more appealing than spending half the day in this shit hole and he was already turning on the balls of his feet - 

“Are you Levi Ackermann?” 

He froze in the middle of a step, his head whipping around to locate the unfriendly female voice that had just called his name. A dark haired, heavy set woman was looking at him from behind one of the desks. His heart started racing at being caught but he could still say no, telling these people that he'd taken the wrong door – but she was already frowning at him, tilting her head to the side. “You're more or less on time. That's unexpected.” 

His eyes narrowed at the taunt, glancing over at the door. He really didn't have to take shit from a snappy pit bull lady in a stupid white hospital smock overall who didn't know more of him than his name and the amount of community service hours he had been given. He tried to come up with at least one very good reason why he shouldn't just walk out of their stupid glass sliding door at that very - 

“Come with me, I'll show you where you can put your things.” 

He glared at her. She had gotten up from behind the reception desk and was walking towards him – the urge to walk away from this reached its peak. Because this was stupid, he wouldn't learn a lesson from this, he'd just be bored out of his fucking - 

She didn't wait for him, she just passed him with a wave of her hand. Something about that dismissive gesture made him grit his teeth and after a stubborn second of him digging his heels into the linoleum floor he huffed, begrudgingly trudging after her. Fuck this... fuck her. Fuck everything. 

She brought him to a room with countless lockers, walking past them with a searching look on her face until she stopped in front of an empty one. She started rummaging in a closet next to the lockers. “I'm Janet,” she said when she reappeared, shoving a smock overall into his hands and crossed her arms in front of her ample chest. “Change.” He stared at her, glancing down at the yellowish garments he had been given. 

“I'm not wearing that,” he said firmly, making a face at the fading stains that his eyes couldn't help but notice. His skin was already crawling at the sight. “They're filthy,” he groused, shoving the folded garments back at the reception lady. 

She stared at him with raised eyebrows, not even making the effort to uncross her arms. “My dear boy, they're as clean as they can possibly get. They're being boiled after they've been worn. You won't find cleaner clothes anywhere.” 

Levi felt his cheeks flush at her words and he glared at her but there was no arguing that. He threw his backpack down on the bench in front of the lockers with a huff and slipped out of his leather boots, reaching for the hem of his black t-shirt next. Before yanking the Combichrist band shirt over his head he turned towards the Janet woman. “Have you ever heard of privacy?” he snapped at her, and she snorted right into his face. 

“I raised three of your kind, trust me, there's nothing that I haven't seen yet,” she drawled, but she turned her head to face the wall instead of watching him. He snarled at her. “Fucking creep.” 

He yanked the shirt over his head to reveal the blank tank top he was wearing underneath and angrily slipped the top of the smock overall over his head. It was like three sizes too big for him. 

“Got anything I won't drown in?” he asked gruffly and raised his eyebrows at her. The lady rolled her eyes. 

“Honey, I already gave you the smallest size. People usually don't come this tiny,” she told him exasperatedly. “Hurry up, we really ain't got all day.” 

He took a moment to quell his anger at her condescending tone, glaring at her. “I'd appreciate it if you'd 'honey' your own brats instead,” he growled before turning his back on her. 

“Oh baby, I do,” she drawled when he opened the button and fly of his torn black skinny jeans. He closed his eyes, telling himself to bite his tongue and end this ludicrous exchange. He'd not talk to this bitch again. 

He slipped the too big pants onto his pale thin legs and tied the waistband as tightly as he could. The pants fit a little better although they were too long. He had to roll up the legs of it. 

“Your size?” the heavy set woman asked him, pointing at a shelf stuffed with those ugly rubber shoes that Levi found more than ridiculous. And disgusting. He grimaced, his skin itching at the thought of wearing shoes that had been on somebody else's gross sweaty feet just hours ago. He had already opened his mouth to object when Janet shook her head already. “They're being sanitized every now and then. You're lucky, they just came back yesterday. Your size?” 

He didn't believe her. She just wanted to get this over with so she could go back to her stupid reception desk. He bared his teeth. “Seven,” he snarled and she handed him a pair – Levi took them cautiously with his fingertips, lifting them to sniff them. They smelled clean... disinfected even. He huffed when he set them down on the floor to slip into them. He heard Janet snort. 

“You're pretty damn finicky for a punk,” she taunted and then jerked her head towards the locker. Obviously a hint that he was supposed to lock his things there. 

Levi stared at her in horror. “Do I look like a fucking punk to you?” 

The woman rolled her eyes at him, tapping on her wrist where she would have had a watch if she had worn one. “Punk, goth, emo, rocker, it's all the same to me. Now put your stuff away and get moving.” 

Levi folded his clothes and put them onto the single rack in the locker, putting his boots and backpack onto the floor of the locker before slamming the door shut. Janet moved from her spot and locked the locker with a key that she pulled from the pocket of her smock overall – Levi reached for it but she slid it back into the pocket, frowning at him. “You won't need it until you leave. I'll give it to you when your time is up.” And she just walked out of the locker room. 

Levi grit his teeth so hard that his jaw hurt (even more), his hands closing to tight fists. That fucking bitch... he dug his heels into the floor, stubbornly glaring at her back until she realized that he wasn't following her. Janet turned around, walking back towards him. “What?” she asked, sounding very irritated. Levi didn't give a damn. 

“I want the key. They're my things, my phone is in there. You can't take them away from me,” he said, his anger barely contained in his words. And she possessed the audacity to step closer, close enough that her round belly almost touched Levi's. He recoiled immediately, glaring up into her dark eyes. She glared right back. 

“Listen to me, you little brat. It's protocol. This is going my way or you can get the fuck out of here. You're not the first one they send us and unfortunately you won't be the last of these depraved kids who stole or vandalized or whatever it is you did. I don't care. I care about you making yourself useful for a few hours and then you can play on your phone all night. Stop making a fuss, you landed yourself here. And now shut up and follow me. I'm sure you have nothing more useful to do anyway.” 

Levi could only stare at her, his face contorting a little more with every word she spoke. “What the fuck do you know,” he spat at her, and she just made a dismissive gesture. 

“I don't know anything and I don't care. I'm not arguing with you any longer. You either come with me now or you can leave and go to prison or whatever they do with you when you fuck up like this.” 

Levi was shaking. Hands tightened to fists he bit his lip so hard that he drew brood. He hated her... he hated her so much. He wanted nothing more than to get his things back and walk away from this shit – but he didn't want to go to jail. He wasn't sure if they could even do that but that was a risk he wasn't willing to take. 

He clamped up, his lips pressed into a tight line and he lowered his head, just a fraction, to show that he was giving up. He'd get back at her for this... he'd figure out how and he'd make her wish she hadn't done this. 

“Great. Now follow me.” 

He did, walking behind her rigidly. Staring straight at her back, wishing he could shoot arrows from his eyes, he followed her into the elevator and up onto the fifth floor. He only briefly checked where she had brought him. Recovery ward. Not that he cared... but this was going to be boring as fuck. He doubted that he'd even get to see a drop of blood in this part of the hospital. 

Janet brought him to the nurse's station of the ward, knocking on the door frame to get the nurse's attention. There were two of them, an older dark haired nurse and a younger blond one. The older woman tilted her head to the side. “Morning Janet. Is that our young delinquent? He doesn't even look 16.” Levi narrowed his eyes at her. 

Janet nodded, stepped to the side to give the nurse a clear line of vision. Her light blue eyes were already troubling Levi. “Yeah, that's Levi Ackermann.” She threw him an irritated glance. “He's a handful, I'll have you know,” she clipped, adjusting the vest that she was wearing over her smock overall. Levi sneered at them both. “I'm right here, you know,” he hissed and the brown haired nurse threw him a surprised stare. 

“You've got some temper, dear,” she told him and he couldn't help but mutter “No shit.” under his breath. Janet sighed. 

“I'll get back to the reception. You have fun with this one.” She turned towards Levi, shaking her head. “Behave. And come see me after you're done here, I'll give you that key.” He only scowled at her and she walked back to the elevator, leaving Levi with the two nurses. The strawberry blond one had only looked up briefly, amber eyes had looked Levi up and down before returning back to the sheets she was writing on. The older nurse got up from her chair and walked out into the hallway where Levi still stood, grey eyes looking uncomfortably at the multitude of broad, closed doors that were painted in a horrible shade of brown. The corridor was painted light green, of course. Hospitals always were green, brown, yellow and grey. And the sick light yellow and sharp white of the staff's garments. 

He noticed that the woman was tall when she stood in front of him, pale, stern eyes were staring down at him. “Levi, I'm Margret. Welcome to our ward.” He snorted humorlessly at that, making her frown. She tucked her hands into the pockets of her white dress. “I know you're less than happy to be here.” 

Levi pffed. “Even that is an understatement,” he muttered but Margret ignored his comment entirely. “But it can't be helped, you're going to spend 120 hours with us. So there's two options.” Levi scoffed at that. 

“Option one: You do what we tell you to do and you do it the best way you can. Believe me, we have lots of work to do here and we're glad about every helping hand. Or, option two: You don't do what we tell you to... it'll get ugly then, that I can promise. There's lots of things that you wouldn't want to do here. I can spare you these things or make you do them all. It's your choice.” 

Levi could only stare. “Are you threatening me?” he ground out, not really believing his ears. This was getting more and more ridiculous. They couldn't possibly be arguing like that, that was just - 

“In fact I am, Levi. You're not here for fun, you're here to perform your community service. You're here to work. Oh yeah, speaking of threats, I have another one for you.” She bent down, staring right into Levi's face with her creepy pale eyes. “You're in a hospital. You'll have to deal with patients here. They're people. Sick people. They are to be respected, every single one of them. I don't care what you did to land yourself in community service, but I do care about my patients. Treat them with respect. Or I'll have your head.” 

Levi could feel the fine hairs at the back of his neck stand on end at that, her pale eyes were boring into his own – there was no doubt that she meant her words. 

She blinked and straightened up, nodded at him The intensity of her gaze was gone as quickly as it had come, and Levi found himself inhaling oxygen as he had stopped breathing for a few brief seconds. 

“I'm glad you understand. Now let's get to work.” 

Levi set his jaw, gritting his teeth at the prospect of spending the next six hours in this stupid ward with its stupid sick people. 

And the work was way worse than he had imagined it. 

Handing out breakfast had been bearable, the worst thing had been the complaints of the people about the food. He had kept his mouth shut, knowing frown experience that food in hospitals was dreadful. A few people had been obnoxious to en extent where he had almost snapped at them – but he had controlled his temper. 

The changing sheets had upped his stress level a lot. He had been teamed up with another young nurse to complete the task – but he still had to use his hands. Crumpled smelly sheets, used by foreign people... he had asked for gloves and he had gotten a pair which had made the touching of the stiff cotton sheets bearable – until they had come across the first patient who hadn't been able to get to the bathroom in time. The old lady laid in her own piss and shit... Levi had nearly thrown up at the sight, at the smell. He had recoiled with wide eyes, had refused to touch anything and run over to the window to air out the room. The young nurse had rolled her eyes at him and had calmed the old lady down. She had been apologizing again and again and the nurse had told her that it was alright, that it happened to the best – Levi had been horrified when the nurse had taken the old lady into the bathroom with her, obviously to clean her up. Sarah, that was her name, had called him useless when he had stood back until she had pulled the soiled sheets off the bed. Thankfully all the mattresses were protected by an incontinence mat, meaning that he could put fresh sheets onto the bed without throwing up after Sarah had taken the disgusting sheets away. 

It wasn't the only bed where he had to face excrement and his skin was crawling by the time they had put clean sheets on half of the beds. 

Levi was desperately longing for a cigarette after they had changed the sheets in all thirty rooms. He was sweating in his clothes and his watch told him that his torture was only half over... he was going to die. 

Short of a minor panic attack he locked himself in the bathroom and scrubbed at his arms, yanking off the top of the smock overall to get air onto his body. He washed his face, wet his neck and throat to get himself back into his comfort zone. 

He needed a few minutes in there before he returned to the nurse's station, feeling like his throat was shriveling from the lack of liquid. He was thirsty... looking around he found a small cabinet with glasses and a water dispenser and a coffee machine on top of it, next to a sink. 

“Can I get some water?” he croaked, making the strawberry blond nurse look up from her sheets. She smiled at him. 

“Of course, that's what it's there for. Feel free,” she said, nodding towards the cabinet. Levi didn't have to be told twice, he strode over there and reached for a glass. But as thirsty as he was his eyes noticed the fingerprints all over it – no, he couldn't drink from that. He turned around to the sink and turned on the hot water, washing the glass mercilessly with hand soap and his fingers until he was comfortable with its state. Feeling like he was being watched he glanced over at the strawberry blond nurse and indeed found her watching him. She threw him a smile when their eyes met and she returned her attention to whatever she was doing at that desk. She had already been pouring over those sheets when Levi had gotten there a few hours prior. 

He huffed and filled the glass with blissfully cool water from the water dispenser, draining his first glass right away only to refill it up to the brim. He almost sighed in relief. God that was good... he drank the second fill slower and went right back to the sink to clean his glass when he was done drinking. He scrubbed it a second time, dried it and then put it back into the cabinet. He couldn't help but notice that amber eyes were watching him yet again. His eyes narrowed at her. “Do I have something on my face?” he asked her lurkingly, expressing his obvious dislike. But she only smiled at him. 

Sarah, the nurse that he had been teamed up with by Margret, chose that very moment to barge into the room. Her eyes immediately settled on Levi and she exhaled in a huff. “There you are. Slacking off I guess? I've been searching for you all over the place,” she lamented, and Levi already had his snappy answer ready when the strawberry blond nurse spoke up. She was still smiling, it was unnerving. 

“It's fine Sarah, he's only here to drink. It's warm in here today, go drink some water too. Thank you, Levi, for washing your glass. That's exemplary behavior,” she beamed at him and Levi wanted to gag – but he couldn't find it in himself to snap at her. He just looked down at the floor, nodding curtly. His nursery (especially) and manners might have been a catastrophe but Levi would never leave dirty dishes anywhere, his skin started itching at the mere thought. 

“Well, okay then,” Sarah clipped, walking over to the water dispenser to drink a few sips of water as well. Levi noticed that she merely briefly swiped the rim of the glass when he cleaned it before putting it back into the cabinet – he made an urgent mental note to thoroughly clean each and every glass that he would ever use in this place. 

“Alright, back to work. We'll give the people their medication,” she announced, picking up one tray full of labeled little pill containers and gestured towards the second for Levi to take. 

That round was also bearable. Sarah would give the patients their pills, Levi just had to walk with her to carry the tray. She wouldn't entrust him with giving the people their pills and Levi was glad that she didn't. He did neither want nor need that responsibility. 

What Sarah had in store for him when they were done with the medication-round was by far the worst for Levi, to the point where it was unbearable. 

Bedpans. 

She had sent him away to mop up the hallway, a task that he was almost happy to do. It didn't involve people, only him, soap and the mop. Cleaning always gave him a sense of satisfaction, each square meter that he cleaned lessened the crawling of his skin – you would think that a hospital was the cleanest of all places. Oh it was not. Levi's room in their small flat was cleaner than any of these rooms. He shivered at the thought of being trapped in such a bed, dependent on the nurses to do everything for you. 

He went to the nurse's station for another glass of water, noticing that the strawberry blond nurse had left her spot at the desk. He realized that he didn't even know her name... he would have to read her name tag the next time he saw her. 

“There you are...” Sarah stared at him from the doorway, looking behind her into the hallway. “What did you do to those floors? They look pristine,” she told him, bewilderment audible in her voice. Levi simply shrugged. 

She lead him into an L-shaped room that he could only partly overlook because it continue behind the corner – he instantly gagged at the stench, pressing his hands onto his face, carefully breathing in through his mouth. His eyes raced though the room, trying to detect the source of the stench – and he found it in a corner. 

Bedpans. Dozens of them. 

He recoiled and everything in him wished to get out of that room, he was already turning when Sarah stepped into his way. She rolled his eyes at him. 

“You're such a baby, really. They're empty, I already dumped it all out.” For a tiny brief second he felt relief rush through him but what she really had meant to say with that comment dawned to him when her lips curled into a distasteful, crooked smile. “They just have to be scrubbed.” 

He stared at her in horror, everything in him seizing up at the mere thought. “No,” he ground out, his jaws clenching. There was no way, he couldn't do that, he - 

She threw a pair of rubber gloves at him, her eyes narrowing. “Oh yes. And believe me, you're not leaving this hospital before you're done.” she blated at him and then just exited the room, leaving Levi with a pair of rubber gloves and a few dozens of bedpans. 

It was the most revolting thing that he'd ever done. It took him several minutes of shallow breathing through his mouth before he could even get close to the stacked pile, his heart racing and sweat breaking out on the back of his neck. His skin crawling he picked up the first pan and held it at arm's length when he carried it over to the huge stainless steal sink. He drowned the pan in the dish washing detergent that he found next to the sink – that help a bit with the smell. There was a rough brush with a long handle to it and he was thankful so see it – it would mean that he wouldn't have to touch these things while cleaning. He held his breath. 

He managed to clean a few of them, his skin crawling a little more with each one that he had to bring himself to touch. He was fighting his every instinct, was very close to just throwing the smelling pan into the sink and leave several times – the only thing that kept him was the threat of him having to stay here until they were clean. He wouldn't gain anything by not doing this, he would only draw out his suffering, he could - 

He snapped when he picked up a pan and realized in horrid shock that there was bloody diarrhea clinging to the metallic walls – he flung the pan away from him into the sink as if it had been hot, recoiling from the sight and stench. Skin crawling he tore at the gloves, trying desperately to get them off his hands and dropping them into the sink next to the pan. He hurried over to the other sink, scrubbed his hands and arms frantically until they were angry red before he fled the room, stalking down the hallway with hurried steps. No. No no no no. He couldn't do this, he couldn't, he just – hearing a door being opened somewhere behind him he dove around the corner at the end of the corridor, not thinking when he barged into the first room on the left and slamming the door shut behind him. 

He tried catching his breath, leaning against the door and closing his eyes for a few seconds. Calm down, he told himself. He'd go to prison then, there was absolutely no way that he would go back into that room and touch those things again. 

It occurred to him that he had just blindly barged into a deliberate room – he hadn't been in here during their rounds, everything that was behind the corner was another team of nurse's responsibility, so he had been told. Looking up he realized that he had barged into a patient's room – and that he wasn't alone in it. 

The curtains were half drawn to keep the sun from shining into the faces of the patients, casting the room into a dimmed light. There were two beds in the room. The right one was flat down, an old man laying in it. He had his eyes closed, in fact they were taped shut, and a tube was stuffed down his throat. He was attached to a machine that wasn't beeping like they always did in Grey's anatomy and a needle shoved into a vein at the back of his hand connected him to an infusion bag that was hanging from a rack next to his bed. 

Levi breathed out audibly. 

He was in a coma... Levi had never seen this in real life, only in stupid TV shows... he felt a cold shiver run down his back. 

When he shifted his gaze to the other bed he heaved a sigh of relief when he saw that the patient in it was sitting up, his body slumped into the pillows behind him. Levi pressed his back against the painted wooden door. “I won't stay long,” he told the man next to the window curtly, not about to explain why he had just barged into his room like a madman. Glancing at the comatose man he frowned slightly. “That's one hell of company, huh...? I bet you have great conversations,” he muttered, belying how much the sight of the comatose man crept him out. 

The blond man in the other bed didn't turn his head towards him. He stared at the wall opposite of him – he could have watched TV if the machine hadn't been turned off. Levi waited for a reaction... but he didn't get one. 

“... sir?” 

He frowned slightly, the man still wasn't reacting to his voice. Maybe he was sleeping...? But his eyes were open, Levi was assured of that when he took a hesitant step towards his bed. Blue eyes kept looking straight ahead – his body was perfectly still otherwise. Levi's frown deepened. 

Cautiously stepping closer, his eyes fixated on the motionless man, he noticed a few things. His blond hair was shaggy, unkempt – there was stubble on his face. His cheeks were hollow, dark circles coloring the space underneath his open eyes. With blankets covering the lower part of his body Levi could only judge from his arms, shoulders and frame – but he was very thin, his skin so pale that it almost seemed translucent with veins protruding in their blueish color. Levi could see his clavicles prominently curving the thin skin below his throat. 

He looked seriously ill, haggard... like he was suffering from a severe sickness which sucked all the life out of him. 

“Sir?” he tried again, hesitantly stepping up to the side of the bed with a nervously thumping heart. His hands laid loosely on top of the comforter covering part of his body. He was limp, Levi could see that he was being held up by the pillows piled at his backside. His lips looked chapped, dry... and his eyes were empty, so empty, unseeing and unresponsive. He didn't even blink when Levi hesitantly waved his hand in front of the blue orbs. 

“Sir!” 

Levi's voice was vibrating with the apprehension he was feeling, he took shallow breaths as he stared at his chest, counted the long seconds while he waited. That... no.... please no... he couldn't - there! He gasped out a breath when he saw the slow rising of his chest, his eyes widening.

He looked like a breathing corpse. 

Levi walked backwards, almost tripping over his own feet when he stumbled backwards in the direction of the door. He wasn't okay, there was something seriously wrong with him. There was no machine attached to him, nobody would see that he was not okay, Levi had to go, go get help, quickly, before he - 

He jumped violently when he collided with something soft and he whipped around, staring up at the object with wide eyes.


	2. Process

~*~

It wasn't an object, though. It was a woman in a white coat, a blond ponytail and black rimmed glasses, green eyes blinking at Levi in surprise. Oh thank god. 

Levi's hand shot out and he grasped her wrist, his other hand pointing wildly at the blond man. 

“You gotta help him, hurry!” he rasped out, trying to calm himself down. He didn't like people but he didn't want to see them die either. Please, not again. “He's not moving, barely breathing, I think there's something really wrong with him I - please, you have to look at him!” He almost didn't recognize his own voice, his rising panic audible in every syllable. 

She blinked and looked over at the blond man, then back down at Levi. He was about to physically drag her over to the man's bed when she reached for him, gently squeezing his shoulder. 

“Hey, sweety... calm down, it's alright. Just breathe,” she said in a gentle voice and Levi wanted to snarl at her, fling her hand off of his body because she had other things to do, she had to look at the guy because he looked like he was about to die. They always died when they looked like that. 

“You have to help him, he looks-” 

“He looks like he always does, sweety,” she said in that gentle voice again, her hand moving down to his arm to squeeze his biceps. Levi did snarl at her this time, his eyes threatening to water because he felt so helpless and she wasn't about to do anything and - 

“Listen to me, you can't just-” He paused when her words sunk into his brain. 'Like he always does'. Levi stared up at her and then over at the blond man in the hospital bed. He still hadn't moved. 

“Like... like he always...” he breathed out, and the blond doctor smiled a small smile for him, nodding. “Yes... he always looks like this. Unfortunately.” 

Levi could only stare. That... that didn't make sense... he was awake... he had his eyes open, but he just wouldn't move... he swallowed thickly. “What's... what's wrong with him?” he asked, his voice sounding so small. He couldn't stop glancing over at him, frantically checking if he had moved something, anything, and if it was just a muscle in his face. 

The doctor let go of him then, gently removing Levi's hand from her wrist. “He's in a kind of coma... you're Levi, I assume?” 

His head whipped around at her saying his name and he stared at her. “I... yes...? How do you...” 

“News travel quickly on one floor,” she explained with a smile but Levi's thoughts were already reeling. Coma...? But... he gazed over at the man in horror. 

“But he has his eyes open...! How can he be in a coma....? That guy is in a coma,” he pointed at the old man in the other bed, tried reasoning with her, not believing her words. He couldn't be in a coma... right...? “I...” He looked back at the blond man, expecting him to turn his head at any moment. But he just kept staring blankly into the air. Levi felt cold shivers race down his spine. 

The blond doctor continued to look at him, tilting her head to the side. “What were you doing in here, Levi? This room is not your station's responsibility,” she inquired, her voice still friendly. Levi licked his dry lips and swallowed, unable to look away from the blond man for long. 

“I took a wrong door,” he said quietly, staring over at the motionless form when he heard hurried footsteps approach. His head whipped around just the second when Sarah appeared in the door frame, her expression somber and her brows furrowed. “Levi, get out of there. You still have work to do, get back there,” she hissed at him and then turned towards the doctor. “I'm so sorry, Dr. Miller, he'll be out of here in a minute.” 

Levi, his thoughts still reeling, glared at the nurse and crossed his arms over his chest. “I'm not scrubbing any more bed pans.” 

He expected the nurse to tell him that she'd report him to Margret (he hadn't quite understood the hierarchy yet but Margret seemed to be in charge of the ward Levi had been assigned to) and he didn't care, he was not going to go back to that room; but, surprisingly, the blond nurse flushed, her grey eyes darting over to the doctor whose name was apparently Miller. Who looked back at her with a frown, standing with one hand on her hip. 

“Bed pans...? But we have a washer for those,” she said in bewilderment, her frown deepening, “I thought we talked about this, Sarah.” 

It took Levi a few seconds to understand the essence of their conversation. He glared at the blond nurse, his mouth opening to throw a serious insult at that stupid bitch's face – she had done that on purpose, she had seen his aversion when they had changed the sheets and had decided to really rub it in – but he clamped his mouth shut when the doctor spoke up again. 

“Sarah, I'd ask you to go back to your ward. I'll send Levi out in a minute,” she said, her voice not leaving room for arguing. Sarah nodded and left the room with still burning cheeks and her lips pressed in a thin line. 

He would get back at her for that... but right now, in this room with a man who seemed to be awake but apparently was comatose, his fury died down as quickly as it had flared up. His eyes immediately wandered back at the blond man in the bed near the window. He swallowed thickly. 

“He's... he's really in a coma...?” he asked quietly, feeling the need to lower his voice. 

The doctor nodded, her green eyes also settling on the motionless man. “Yes... I'm here to check up on him. Do you wanna join me?” 

He nodded before he could even wonder about why she was offering this to him – she knew his name which asserted that she knew why he was here... out of all the people in this hospital a doctor would be nice to him...?   
He cautiously approached the bed that she had stepped up to, staring at the pale face in a mixture of horror and fascination. Dr. Miller checked the man's pulse, using her stethoscope to listen to his heartbeat. The man didn't move one bit. Levi couldn't stop looking into the lifeless, blue eyes. 

“What... what happened to him...?” 

She shone light into the man's eyes, moving the little lamp left and right – his pupils dilated but didn't follow the light. “Look at his chart, Levi,” she said, straightening up. Levi frowned but did as he was told, pulling the patient's chart up from where it was attached to the end of the bed. He needed a few seconds to orientate on the sheet, trying to decipher some of the things scribbled there. 

Smith, Erwin 

Born 10/14/1987

Blood type A- 

Brain damage 

Vegetative state 

Motorcycle-accident 

Levi looked up from the sheet, passing the clipboard to the doctor when she reached for it. He swallowed thickly. 

“That... that must have been one hell of an accident...” he whispered, his eyes searching the man's body for bruises or bandages, any signs of the injuries caused by the accident. But there were none... something prickled nastily at the back of his mind, the little hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. “When... since when is he like that...?” he asked her in a hushed voice. 

Her green eyes looked up from the sheets she was writing on and settled on the man's haggard face, her expression turning a little wistful. 

“It's going to be 10 years in March,” she said, and Levi's eyes widened. He would have dropped the patient's chart if he had still been holding it. 

“10 years??” he called out, then immediately clamping his hands over his mouth. “I'm sorry, I-” he hurriedly said in a hushed voice, his eyes darting from the blond man to the doctor. She merely smiled sadly. 

“He can't hear you, Levi. There's no need to apologize.” 

He stared at her. “He can't...?” His eyes flew back to Erwin Smith. “But... but his eyes are open, he's... he...” He bit his lip, cold realization numbing him for a second. “He... doesn't perceive anything...? Anything at all?” 

The blond doctor shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment. “Anything at all... he suffered severe brain damage in that accident. A few basic functions of some parts of the brain are still intact... but most have been destroyed. He doesn't communicate, he's not reacting to any kind of stimulation.” 

Levi stared at the man in horror, was stunned into silence for a few long seconds. His thoughts were racing, nausea prickled at the back of his neck. 

“I... I don't... but he's alive.... right? He's... sitting right here-” He almost jumped, sucked in a harsh breath when his hand shot out to point at Erwin Smith's throat. “He just swallowed!” His eyes latched onto the man's Adam's apple, silently daring it to move again. The doctor put the clipboard down on the man's nightstand. 

“Yes, he swallows. Just like breathing, it's a basic function that his brain is still performing. Just like this, look,” she said and reached for a little tube, carefully moving Erwin Smith's head towards her and pulled his lid up before squeezing a thin, white snake of gel onto the man's eyeball. Levi watched in avid fascination as the man slowly blinked. Dr. Miller did the same to the other eye. 

“What's that?” Levi asked her, the thought of getting white salve squeezed onto his eyeball creeping him out. 

“His eyes have always been dry so we're applying eye ointment to keep them moist. But he blinks regularly on his own which keeps his eyes from drying out, another basic function. If he didn't do that we would have to tape them shut.” 

Levi could do nothing but stare. But... but he had... “But he blinked when you applied the ointment... isn't that a reaction?” 

She smiled approvingly at him. “You could think so but it's not, unfortunately. It's a physical reflex. Erwin doesn't react... his brain gets an impulse but there's no conscience to act on it. His last brain scan showed that the parts where we suspect the conscience are unresponsive.” 

She put the ointment back down onto the roll-able nightstand and picked up the chart to scribble a few words down on it. Levi's eyes flittered from the man's face over his thin chest to his hand, following the flexible tube up to the transfusion bag on the rack. There was a second bag hanging from it from where a tube lead underneath the comforter that was covering the man. Levi was fairly sure he knew what that was. 

“He's being fed artificially....?” he asked the doctor, earning a surprised arch of blond eyebrows. 

“Yes indeed. He doesn't eat... he has a stomach tube, the other infusion is a pain killer.” 

Levi nodded, feeling numb and strangely moved by the whole thing. 

Dr. Miller walked around the bed, putting the patient's chart back into its holder before placing her hand on Levi's shoulder blade gently. She smiled down at him softly. “Let's go, Levi,” she said, gently moving him away from the bed, and Levi, albeit reluctantly, let her. He looked back at the blond man until the doctor closed the door behind them. 

Levi shook his head, cleared his throat. His eyes were downcast, his hands hanging uselessly at his sides. 

“I... thank you for telling me... all of this... and sorry for intruding, I just...” He shook his head, he had to be deeply shaken if he was frankly thanking and apologizing to her... “Never mind.” 

The blond doctor smiled at him softly. “That's alright. Your reaction upon finding Erwin was very amiable, your readiness to help others is an honorable trait. Thank you for that,” she said and Levi was stunned for a few seconds, felt his cheeks heat up. 

“I'll let you go back to your tasks,” she said, leaning down in a conspiratorial manner. “Don't let Sarah bully you,” she muttered close to his ear. He stared at her when she straightened up, blinking when she took a step backwards and waved at him. “I'll see you around, Levi,” she said with a warm smile, turning around to walk down the corridor. 

Levi stood there for a few seconds, somehow trying to process everything he had just heard and seen – and found that he couldn't. This... this man, Erwin Smith... it was too much. He would have to go back to all of that later. 

He turned on his heels and walked around the corner, continued to pass doors until he reached the room where he had been scrubbing bed pans just 20 minutes prior. Reluctantly he entered the room, forcing himself to check the corner where the bed pans had been stacked – some of them were still there. 

He took a deep breath, pulled a pair of powdered rubber gloves from a box next to the sink and slipped them onto his hands. Taking another deep breath he picked up one of the covered bed pans, holding it at arm's length when he walked towards the parts of the room behind the corner. Sarah appeared from there, her blond brows arching upwards when she saw him with the bed pan. He just gave her his best deadpan stare, quirking an eyebrow at her. 

“Where's that washing machine?” 

Levi spend the rest of his first six communal work hours carrying smelly bed pans to the washing machine, unloading and reloading it before they made another round through the patient's rooms, changing infusion bags here and taking blood samples of people there. Sarah talked to him a little, explaining some things to him – to his own surprise he found himself interested in the ways you got the vein right, or that you had to close the infusion tube's outlet first before you pulled it from the infusion needle in the patient's hand because if you didn't the stuff would leak all over the place. Those were practical things that made sense to Levi. 

He was craving a smoke so badly when a nearby church bell tower announced it being 12 o'clock. They had just given the patient their lunch trays – Levi had remembered correctly, hospital food was indeed revolting. He couldn't even guess what the meat and the slimy substance next to it were, let alone place it by smell. He shuddered, swearing to off himself before he'd resign himself to a prolonged hospital stay. 

He briefly stopped at the nurse's station and said goodbye to the nurses, earning approving nods and friendly words from them – the strawberry blond nurse, her name was Petra he had learned, smiled and waved at him. Levi cast his eyes downwards and ducked out of the room hastily. 

After taking the elevator downstairs he set his jaw and went over to Janet (the witch) to wordlessly hold out his hand for the key she had knicked earlier. She looked up at him, glancing at the clock, and then got up from her chair with inertness that unnerved Levi to no ends. But she opened the locker for him, pointing at a container in the corner. “Throw your clothes in there when you're done. You can...” She paused, contemplating him with a stern look that made him itch in his skin. When she continued she looked like she thought that she was doing him a huge favor while inflicting sufferance on herself. Such a bitch. “...put your shoes over there,” she pointed at a shelf where many pairs of the colorful shoes were neatly put next to one another, “then nobody else will take them. Just remember which ones you used, they might be pushed to another place in every day's hectic.” 

He lifted his chin, sniffing slightly. “Thank you,” he said quietly and then turned around to take his clothes out of the locker. 

“Welcome,” she said, turning to walk out of the staff room. “Just bring the key over when you're done here.” 

Levi changed into his clothes and boots quickly, applied deodorant under his pits and closed his eyes for a few seconds, sighing. That... felt already better... 

He took his back pack and briefly paused at the reception desk to drop the key off at Janet's part of the desk, even told her 'bye' before heading out of the glass sliding doors. His hand reaching into his back pack to fish for his cigarettes he felt how tense his shoulders were, he only noticed now when he could finally relax. This... had been exhausting... he was tired... and he couldn't help but notice his thought frequently jumping back to that blond man in his hospital bed... 

He answered texts from Farlan and Isabel, telling them that he wasn't in the mood to hang out that night, and pocketed the phone before plucking the burning cigarette from his lips. He'd take the bus home and spend the rest of the day in his bed... he didn't feel like seeing anybody... he just wanted a really long and really hot shower... and then time and space to get this thoughts in order, to process everything that he had seen and heard today. 

~*~

Holding a cup of coffee in her hands, Lea Miller stood by the window of her ward's nurse's station, blinking when she spotted a dark haired, skinny teenager walking away from the hospital towards the bus stop that was right in front of it. Her eyes followed his slight frame, thinking that he black clothes and heavy boots didn't match his personality. She had seen a very soft, caring and impressionable side of him... those were rare. Especially among those teenagers who were forced to come her because of their community service. 

“Some of that is really confidential... why did you tell him?” Margret asked her and Lea turned around to face her, looking at her where she was leaning in the door frame. 

“'I'm sure Erwin doesn't mind... and you should have seen him, Margret. He was so scared that something bad was happening to Erwin, he almost dragged me over to his bed because he thought I wasn't willing to help him... he's a very particular kid, Margret. I think he's a good one,” she said, taking a sip of her sweetened coffee. 

The older woman contemplated her words, pursed her lips. “Well, he was different after that encounter... you should have seen him this morning. Teeth bared and fur all ruffled up, very defensive... for a few seconds I thought he was just going to turn around and leave, screw prison and all that jazz. There's a history behind all that, I can tell.” 

“There always is,” Lea said, turning back around to look through the window, trying to spot Levi again – but the boy was already gone. “Something tells me that he's going to change here... which is the idealistic goal of community service after all. It might actually work for him.” 

Margret hmmd affirmative. “Let's see what the future has in store for us.” 

~*~ 

Unlocking the door to their apartment Levi was greeted by the ever present heavy smell of cigarette smoke – he made a face at that. Being a smoker himself didn't make this any better. He hated the way everything in this flat had taken on the smell of stale ash. 

Having taken off his shoes in the mudroom he walked through the short hallway in socks, taking a right to cross the living room on his way to the kitchen. His uncle was slouched on the couch in front of the blaring TV, feet on the low coffee table and a can of beer in his hand. He plucked a cigarette from his lips when he spotted Levi. The ashtray on the coffee table was brimmed over with cold ash and stubs. Levi's skin crawled. 

“You're back,” he pointed out, making Levi roll his eyes. 

“So perceptive,” he muttered, opening the fridge to see what he could find inside. The result was sobering. It was barely enough to put together a sandwich... he closed the fridge door with a light thud, deciding that a glass of orange juice would do. He wasn't very hungry anyway. 

“You need to get groceries,” he called out to Kenny, taking a long sip of the cool juice. He closed his eyes, savoring the taste. He loved orange juice... how would it feel to never be able to drink it again? Or to not eat anything ever again? To not... think again...? 

“Yeah yeah, after the game,” Kenny muttered, snorting back phlegm that came from chain smoking for years. Levi had no idea how this man was still employed. He smelled like an ashtray and drank like a sailor, cursed like a tinkerer. Levi shuddered. 

He crossed the room with his glass of juice, not looking over at Kenny again. He felt the dark eyes stare at him though. “Did ya scrub some bed pans today, brat?” the man asked him testily and Levi paused for a second, turning his head towards him. His best deadpan face was just enough for his uncle. 

“I did indeed,” he said, turning his back to Kenny and walked out of the room, locking the door to his room seconds later. He leaned his back against the door, taking a deep breath – at least the air in his room was far better than in the living room and kitchen. He only smoked at the open window, the broad window sill one of his favorite features about his room. 

Walking across his room he opened the big window and curled up on the window sill, breathing in the fresh air while lighting another cigarette. Inhaling the poisonous nicotine into his lungs slowly calmed him, relaxed him... pushed him back into his skin. He had to think... think about everything he had seen that day. About helpless people in hospital beds, about snappy and bitchy nurses, about the nicer exemplars of them, about how he had been fascinated by Sarah finding veins for taking a blood sample. And... about Erwin Smith... the man who seemed to be awake but was not... who was never hungry but didn't eat... who looked so fragile and vulnerable in the hospital bed that it stung Levi somewhere. 

He wanted to know more... and at the same time the whole thing was creepy enough to keep him out of room 576 forever. But... he had always worked that way. He wasn't industrious, even less ambitious... but when he found something interesting then he latched onto it with an unexpected determination that amazed his teachers and friends every time that he found something that he liked. And Erwin Smith... was about the creepiest, saddest, by far most interesting thing in that entire hospital. 

He had the inkling that today hadn't been the last time that he wandered into that dimly lit room. 

~*~


	3. Recurrence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And on to the third~  
> Thank you all for your comments and kudos, I'm happy about every single one and they're lovely! <3

~*~

When his alarm clock went off at five am the next morning Levi was very, very tempted to just mute it and turn over in bed to sleep for another 10 hours instead of going to school. But then he remembered that it was Sunday, which came after Saturday, and on Saturday he had started the stupid community service – no school today. Way worse than school. 

He groaned and flipped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling where the wallpaper had slowly been peeling off for a few months already. Up, then... and better get that over with. Another six hours of filthy sheets and bed pans... he groaned again. 

He dragged himself into the bathroom for a cool shower, disposed of the boxer briefs and the t-shirt he had been sleeping in in the laundry basket. For a moment he caught sight of himself in the big bathroom mirror, his dark hair a riot and his left cheek decorated with the pattern the crumpled sheet he had been sleeping on imprinted there - he usually slept on his stomach, his head flat on the mattress. He rubbed his cheek and let his eyes sweep down his body, catching on the pierced nipple for a second before turning around. Briefly glancing over his shoulder his eyes traveled along the colorless poison ivy rank that went from his shoulder blade down his side to his abdomen.  
Turning his head away he went over to the shower, stepping into it. 

After he was done in the bathroom he got dressed, toasted two slices of white bread and left the flat a few minutes later, stuffing his keys into the black backpack. He nibbled on the dry bread slices and smoked a cigarette on his way to the bus, listening to a Marilyn Manson album on his iPod while waiting. The only good thing about being on a bus this early? There were only a handful people on it with him. It was early morning so nobody was smelly yet, the noise was negligible – Levi chose to stand instead of sitting down even though there were plenty of unoccupied seats. He leaned against the wall of the vehicle, right where wheel chairs or baby buggies were usually put. Leaning into the nook spared him holding onto anything in there – god only knew what had touched the handles and poles before him.  
He briefly wondered, not without a feeling of dread, if that day would be a repetition of the last one. 

Arriving at the hospital Levi went through the same routine with Janet as he had a day prior, he changed and put his things away into a locker and Janet locked it and took the key. He only shot her a dark scowl at that but remained civil otherwise – there was no point in exploding into her face again. He supposed that yesterday's aggressiveness had rooted in his anger and frustration – today he knew what to expect, he wasn't thrumming with anxiety. Which didn't mean that he was looking forward to this, not one bit. 

He took the elevator alone this time, knowing that there was no sense in going anywhere but to the fifth floor. They were probably calling each other to let the others know that he was heading upstairs, or downstairs after he was done. 

He was greeted by a few familiar faces at the nurse's station, Margret and Petra wished him a good morning. The nurse he was being paired up with that morning was a redhead named Allison, and she met him with just as much caution as Sarah had the previous day – but she was actually nicer. 

The work turned out to be very similar to what they had done on Saturday, with the slight difference that there weren't as many sheets to be changed. 

“Some patients were discharged yesterday afternoon and the beds have already been done then,” Allison explained to him when Levi had raised his eyebrows at the fourth empty bed. Not that he really cared but the thought that people who he had helped giving medication to a day prior had died over night was unsettling. It relieved him when he heard that they had simply gone home. 

The lady that had woken up in her own excrement yesterday had been put in diapers for the night – no soiled sheets this time but the sight of Allison cleaning the lady up and changing her diaper was just as terrible.  
The redheaded nurse picked up on his horror towards body fluids of all kinds just as fast as Sarah had but instead of calling him a baby she frowned at him when they closed the door of the room they had just prepared and went on to the next. 

“It's human, you know? There's nothing disgusting about this, we all do it every day. You too,” she said sternly and Levi turned towards the cart they were pushing from door to door, dumping used sheets in it to take them to the laundry station later. He bit his lip, his skin crawling. 

“I know that I take shits, too,” he clipped out, making the young woman cross her arms in front of her chest. “I still can't touch... that.” He shivered at the mere thought, making her raise her eyebrows. But she didn't say anything about it anymore. Recognizing the pattern he quickly added: “Don't even think about making me scrub bed pans. Sarah already did that yesterday, I know you have a washer for that.” 

Allison blinked and stared at him, snorted out a little laugh. “She made you do that? Oh wow, you must have really pissed her off.” Levi just pressed out a noncommittal grunt. 

He mopped the floors again, put bed pans into the washer, helped giving people their medication. Allison then brought him to the laundry station to help out there because they were short on staff that day. So he loaded and unloaded the huge washing machines and witnessed the sheets being boiled, dried, pressed. He also got proof that the clothes he reluctantly pulled on over tank top and boxer briefs were also boiled, and really were as clean and germ free as they could possibly get.  
He liked the laundry station... he got to touch the used sheets with gloves and working with the clean sheets was almost a pleasure to him. 

They gave out people's lunch after they sent him back up from the basement where the laundry station was located, and the close by bell tower stroke noon when they were giving out the last few trays. They were at the very last room of their corridor, room 575 – Levi stared at the corner where their area of responsibility ended. 

“I guess you're done for today, huh? Lucky you,” Allison huffed but her green eyes were soft, there wasn't any venom in her voice. Levi turned his head towards her, grimacing. 

“At least you're getting paid, lucky you,” he shot back and Allison snorted at that, shooing him away. Levi wasn't going to argue with her, he was glad that it was over for that day. He'd be back on Wednesday... and then the weekend again. Six more weeks... he already craved the week after that, when he could fill his weekends with much more enjoyable things again. But there was still some time to go. 

He glanced over his shoulder at the corner again, feeling his heart beat at the thought of what he had seen in room 576 the day prior... 

He told Margret at the nurse's station that he would be leaving and she wished him a good week in school, to which he scowled. He hadn't really been able to relax this weekend, hadn't slept in and hadn't been drunk out of his mind. How the hell was that week supposed to be good?  
But he didn't voice any of his thoughts. He just wished her a good week too and then ducked out of the room. 

For a second he thought about just heading for the elevators, getting his things and then being the hell out of this place – but his feet were already carrying him into the opposite direction. Looking straight ahead he passed rooms 574 and 575, rounded the corner and took another couple of steps until he reached his destination. 

Room 576. 

Erwin Smith's room. 

He swallowed thickly. 

One hand already reaching out for the door handle he thought better of it and turned away from the door, chose to further walk down the corridor instead. He looked around, reading the signs next to the brownish doors as he passed them. Damn, who knew if she even had an office on this corridor or - 

He found the nurse's station in the middle of the long corridor and he cautiously poked his head into it, interrupting a brown haired nurse giving her colleagues a very detailed recap of her last date. He flushed when she asked what he was doing there. 

“I'm looking for Dr. Miller,” he said, willing the heat in his cheeks to go away. He should have just entered the room, nobody would ever have noticed a thing - 

“Just continue down the hall, it's on the right,” she told him, frowning at him. He quickly ducked out of the room before she could ask him what his business was. 

He found the doctor's office eventually and he knocked on the wooden door, waiting for the doctor's voice to react. When she didn't say anything he knocked again, wondering if she was maybe out somewhere looking after a patient or taking a shit in the bathroom or – 

“Are you here to see me?” 

He almost jumped out of his skin when she suddenly appeared right behind to him. Whirling around he stared up at her oval face, looking into green eyes that were blinking at him. 

“Levi, hi... to what do I owe the pleasure?” 

He took a deep breath, calming himself down after that minor heart attack, and then remembered what he had come to see her for. He swallowed thickly. 

“Dr. Miller... can I... go see Mr. Smith...? To... talk to him... or something.” 

He wanted to... for whatever reason he felt lured back there. He felt stupid for suggesting it – but there was no taking it back now. 

The blond woman seemed surprised for a second, she blinked at him, and he bit the inside of his lip while he waited. It took her another second until her face broke out into a slight smile. 

“Sure, go ahead...” she said, her voice soft, and she pushed her hands into the pockets of her white doctor's coat. “That's sweet of you, Levi. Just...” Her eyes looked at him sadly, she shook her head. “He's not going to react, you know that, right? As bad as it sounds, Erwin is... not in there anymore, he's gone.” 

Levi nodded. “I know,” he said, the little hairs at the back of his neck standing on end at the thought. “I just... want to keep him company for a little while. That's all.” 

The doctor nodded slowly, heaving a sad sigh. “He left quite an impression on you, didn't he?” 

Levi could only nod to that. 

She looked him over for another few seconds until her lips broke into another soft smile. “Go ahead, Levi, it's really a sweet thought.” 

He did just that after exchanging goodbyes with Dr. Miller, he turned on his heel and walked the corridor back down. When he reached room 576 he took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a second and then pushed the door handle down to enter. 

The room looked exactly the way he had left it the previous day, the curtains half drawn and the right bed flat down, the old man in it still intubated and obviously comatose. 

Erwin Smith was once again sitting up in his bed, his thin body supported by pillows. His eyes were open, staring blue and empty at the wall across from him, when Levi stood at the foot of the bed he witnessed the man blink. Just a natural reflex to keep his eyes from drying out, Levi repeated in his head. He looked at the blond man, his heart beating against his rib cage. He didn't know why he was feeling so nervous... maybe because this man's fate was too terrible to name. 

“Uhm... hi...” he started, feeling ridiculous for a few seconds. 'He can't hear you, Levi. There's no need to apologize.' He frowned at Dr. Miller's voice resounding in his head, and he shook his head. He still felt that this was a good thing to do, no matter what she said. 

“I'm Levi... Erwin. Well, I hope you don't mind me calling you Erwin. Everybody seems to be calling you Erwin... so maybe that's alright.” 

He looked at the man when he walked around the bed over to the small table in the corner. Sitting down on one of the chairs he was too short to look directly into Erwin's eyes... but the blue, empty orbs were a little distracting anyway. Almost creepy, because they were so lifeless... it was easier to talk to his chest, or his throat. His Adam's apple moved when he swallowed... that was more comforting to look at. 

“I was here yesterday, too... I barged into your room and freaked out when I saw you. Sorry about that, I just... never mind,” he said, leaning back on the chair and pulling a knee up to his chest to rest his head on it. 

“You're probably wondering why I'm here anyway... or maybe you're not.” He looked up at his impassive face, searching for the tiniest sign of movement in it, but there were none to find. “I was sent here to perform 120 hours of community service – don't worry, I didn't beat somebody up or something,” he quickly added that last part, “I just tried to steal a guy's wallet. Obviously wasn't successful,” he begrudgingly admitted, feeling his face flush at the memory that flashed before his eyes for a second. He took a deep breath. 

“Anyways... I started the community service yesterday. Can you believe that they let inexperienced people look after their sick...? I mean they don't give me responsible tasks and I'm never alone with patients... but I could still fuck something up, right? I think it's irresponsible. You go to the hospital thinking that you'll be looked after by doctors and nurses, people who know what they're doing – and then they get me. Truant and delinquent. I'd not feel safe here if I were them,” he huffed out, scowling at the closed door, then quickly looked back at the blond man in the bed. 

“I mean I would never want to hurt anybody... I just wouldn't know what to do in an emergency. That's the worst thing, right?” He blinked at the motionless man, shifting his head to the side. “I'd probably be frozen in shock if somebody had a heart attack in front of my eyes. I'd drop their lunch tray and run to get help. Like yesterday.” He briefly reflected how he had scrambled away from Erwin's bed, almost tripping over his own feet. “They could be dead by the time I come back with help. If I had been a trained nurse I could just do something instead of running...” His voice was quieting down to a mumble at the last few words, he frowned a little at himself. “But no, instead of qualified staff they put delinquents here. Because they don't cost them anything. That's pretty fucked up,” he muttered, hugging his bent leg to his chest with one arm while the other rested on the table next to him. 

His eyes traveled over the perfectly still form, taking in the limp hands on the covers and the hospital gown hanging from his slumped shoulders. He breathed out a little laugh. “You know... I thought that having to do this... scrubbing bed pans and changing sheets that other people pissed in was the worst thing that could happen to me. That... was probably the most dickish and most self absorbed thing I've ever thought, and I've thought a lot of dickish things in my life.” He shallowed thickly. “I mean... look at you... look at him over there,” he nodded at the other bed in the room, “Those are bad things. That's really terrible... you were-” 

He stopped himself when a strange feeling settled over him, and he bit his lip. “Uh... that's probably not the best topic, huh...? I bet people always say how terrible this is, how unfortunate... if I were in your position I would want to punch them in their faces. So know what? I'll shut up about it. Let me tell you about other things.” 

So he told him about other things. He told him about the people in the hospital he had met, nurses and doctors and patients, things that he had done so far. He almost talked for half an hour to the comatose man, studying his face and thin form intently when he took small breaks. He was breathing... and swallowing and blinking slowly, and otherwise not reacting at all to Levi's words. It was so strange... and yet he didn't feel like he was talking to a lifeless doll. This man... was very much alive. His body was alive... how could a brain that didn't work still properly run an entire organism...? The whole thing was so grotesquely fascinating to Levi that he couldn't stop looking at him, always watching out for little signs that Erwin Smith was in there after all – but there was nothing. It wasn't that he didn't trust Dr. Miller's words, she was a doctor and she surely knew what she was talking about – he just couldn't grasp the concept of the vegetative state. He probably just had to see for himself... 

Levi bit his lip when he ran out of things he could tell the blond man about his 12 hours in this hospital. There were so many more things that he could talk about... but a glance to the clock on the wall made him sigh. 

“You really know how to make a boy talk,” he told the blond man, his lips curling into a slight smile. He probably... hadn't talked that much contiguously to anybody in quite a while. It was weird that he felt at ease just talking randomly to a comatose man, more at ease than he felt talking to most people. 

“It's probably because you don't judge, you just... listen. And that's nice,” he murmured, feeling his cheeks heat up the slightest bit. He couldn't help but use active words for the man... judge, listen, make somebody talk... which you couldn't do if your brain didn't work. He shook his head at himself. 

Unfurling himself on the chair he got back to his feet, stretching his limbs out with a soft groan. 

“I should go... I bored you long enough with my shit. Sorry for dumping this all on you, old man,” he said with a curl of his lips when he stepped up to the man's bed, looking into the empty, blue eyes. He hesitated when he stretched out a hand, cautiously brushing his fingertips over the back of his hand. Erwin was warm... of course he was, his body was working fine, Levi just... somehow hadn't expected him to feel so – normal. 

He gently grasped the man's hand and squeezed it. “I'll come back on Wednesday... and bore the hell out of you again.” He didn't say that his rambling about bitchy nurses and dirty sheets was probably still more interesting than staring at an immobile wall in a completely quiet hospital room. 

“Bye, Erwin,” he said and let go of the man's hand, turning around to leave the room. 

He sighed when he closed the door of 576 behind him, leaning against the wood for a few moments. He felt a little overwhelmed by all of this... uneasy. And yet... even though it had exhausted him it had felt good to just talk, to let it all out. He hadn't dumped his feelings and impressions regarding his time here in the hospital onto anybody yet... just being able to say it all, without being interrupted or given somebody else's opinion about it, had felt relieving. 

“You're slowly going nuts,” he told himself when he pushed away from the door, walking towards the elevators. “You enjoy talking to an unresponsive person more than talking to your friends... that's pretty messed up, Ackermann, even for you,” he quietly muttered to himself. 

Levi was out of the hospital 20 minutes later and heading for the bus that would take him home. Taking a deep drag from his cigarette he checked his phone, only to see that he had a message from Isabel. His redheaded friend wanted to know how he was doing and if he wanted to hang out later that day – he texted her back that he was fine and that he didn't feel like doing anything but sleep, and that he would see her at school tomorrow morning. 

Putting his ear phones back on he listened to more Marilyn Manson on the bus, only turning his iPod off when he entered his flat. The TV was blaring once again in the living room, his uncle barely acknowledged him when he walked past him to get himself more orange juice and a sandwich from the kitchen. 

After he took a long, satisfying shower he spent the rest of the day in his bed, clad in only a tank top and boxer briefs, watching stupid TV shows and drifting in and out of little naps whenever he got too bored. He also did parts of his homework – the stuff that he liked, at least. Math wasn't among them, he hated math. 

He checked his phone a few times – his friends were strangely quiet today. Not that he minded, it was just uncommon. Maybe they were upset that he didn't want to hang out with them... but he was sure that they would try to make him leave the apartment and that was the last thing he wanted. He wanted to stay in bed and nap and be lazy for the rest of the day. 

When the doorbell rang around seven he wondered if his uncle's carpool colleague had arrived early to pick up Kenny for the night shift that he was on – and blinked when he heard his uncle's voice brawl through the hallway a second later. 

“It's that Church boy,” Kenny called and Levi only had time to sit up in his bed before the doorknob was already being turned – he was reminded of having locked the door when the intruder startled rattling on the doorknob. 

“Come on, open the door, Levi,” said the too familiar voice and Levi rolled his eyes, making him wait for another little while until he kicked back his blankets and slouched over to the door to unlock it. Farlan slipped into his room, mumbling something about 'church boy, my ass'. Levi sighed and narrowed his eyes at the dark blond boy. 

“You know I meant it when I said that I didn't wanna hang out,” he grumbled, already heading back towards his bed to curl up in it. Farlan just smirked at him. 

“It was yesterday that you said you didn't want to hang out. Today I didn't bother asking.” 

Levi shot the other boy a glare when he flopped down on the bed next to him, stretching out his long limbs. Waiting for the taller boy to start asking questions about the last two days Levi was very relieved when Farlan just laid there, watching TV, without trying to pry information out of him. He didn't feel like talking... but having Farlan here was, he had to begrudgingly admit it, nice. 

Levi shifted, putting his head on his friend's chest and felt the rumble of his chuckle more than he heard it. Long fingers tangled in his hair and Levi sighed, tilting his head into the touch. Another chuckle made the chest beneath his head vibrate. 

“I knew you'd appreciate the company,” Farlan drawled, and Levi reached up to cover the other boy's mouth with his hand. 

“And I did, while you were silent,” he muttered, giving Farlan's chin a shove. The other boy laughed at that. 

“So I guess you don't wanna talk about it?” 

“100 points to the candidate,” Levi retorted, pushing his head against Farlan's hand to make him scratch his head some more. His friend complied. “It's... bad, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I'll tell you some other time.” He was exhausted... and still mulling over the whole Erwin-thing. Dr. Miller had been right, meeting the comatose man had left a very deep impression on Levi... 

He was startled from his thoughts when Farlan slipped out from underneath him, rolling over so they were face to face. He didn't linger, though, instead crawled backwards until he was face to face with Levi's stomach. Levi propped himself up on his elbows, frowning down at his friend. 

“What are you...?” he asked the dark blond boy, and Farlan only flashed him a broad grin when he reached for the boxer briefs Levi was wearing and pulled them down his hips to his thighs. Levi locked eyes with him when Farlan reached for his limp cock, his lips parting in a silent pant when his friend flicked his tongue across the head. 

“Really...?” he said, breathing out another pant when Farlan's lips closed around the circumcised head of his dick. His friend grinned up at him, giving his cock a gentle squeeze with his hand that made Levi gasp softly. 

“Just relax, you need this,” Farlan told him and closed his lips around the head of Levi's cock once more, carefully sucking him further into his mouth. Levi panted out a soft moan and sank back into the sheets after a second of contemplation, reaching for a pillow to stuff underneath his head to make himself more comfortable. 

It was good... Farlan's head bobbed up and down in his lap, slick tongue swirling around his cock and velvety mouth and throat engulfing him, sucking him in deep. Levi soon fisted his sheets, his eyes closing when the arousal coiled in his middle. Farlan's hands on his hips that were holding him down were an additional turn on, he writhed underneath his friend to make the friction stronger, better to make him give him - 

“I'm leaving for work, Levi,” his uncle's voice sounded in from right outside the door and Levi flinched violently, nearly choked on a moan that had been bubbling up his throat. Farlan released his cock with a wet little sound, covering his mouth with his hands in order to muffle his laughs when Levi started up and stared at the door, eyes wide. Fucking Farlan hadn't locked the door when he had entered, had he? 

“Don't let me keep you,” he called out, horrified at the thought of his uncle barging in and seeing them like this – but his heavy steps shuffled down the hallway a second later, and Levi fell back onto the mattress with a relieved sigh. “Jesus Christ...” He rubbed his face with his palms until Farlan reached for his cock, his thumb swiping across the head made his hands fly back into the sheets while he gasped out a soft moan. 

“It's alright, he's gone,” Farlan chuckled and then went right back to the task at hand, and Levi slowly relaxed back into his hands and mouth. 

It wasn't long until he touched Farlan's shoulder, his pants and Farlan's sloppy sounds being the only noise in the room. “Farlan, I'm gonna-” 

His friend hummed low in his throat and his sucking intensified, his tongue swirled into the slit of the head of Levi's cock – he spilled his semen into Farlan's mouth with a moan, his hands twisting the sheets when the coiling arousal suddenly unfurled and shot through his veins, into his nerve endings to set them ablaze. 

He went limp on the mattress, only lifting his head lazily to watch Farlan get up and leave the room for a minute, probably spitting out Levi's cum and washing out his mouth in the bathroom. When Farlan returned to the room he passed a wet wash cloth to Levi who grasped the warm cloth and chose to enjoy the feeling of afterglow for a little while before he sat up to clean himself. Throwing the wash cloth unerringly into the laundry hamper he laid back down on the mattress, pulling his briefs back up before sprawling out next to Farlan. The dark blond boy had already taken possession of the remote control and was flicking through the channels. 

“Thanks,” Levi simply said, and Farlan grinned at him. 

“Any time.” 

They watched TV for another little while until Farlan got hungry. They ended up ordering Domino's – and Levi only understood why Farlan had insisted on getting two pizzas when the door bell rang around nine and Isabel demanded access to Levi's apartment. Turned out Farlan had invited her via text without bothering to tell Levi. He scowled at the both of them but then just resigned himself to a night with friends and pizza and American Idol because Isabel insisted on watching the finals. They also smoked from Farlan's pipe, the window wide open so the smell wouldn't cling to Levi's sheets and all of their clothes. 

He was enjoying himself, he had to admit it, even though he had been forced to socialize. Sometimes he needed to be forced... and his friends seemed to know him so well that they picked up on him wanting company even though he explicitly told them to stay away. 

Those bastards. 

He actually had to smile at the thought. 

~*~


	4. Ignition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! =)  
> My apologies, real life ran me over. |D I'm going through some huge changes in my private life so I was pretty busy... if everything goes well I'll have a lot more time to write in the future. <3 Which would be very nice!  
> This chapter is pretty long, compared to the others... I'm slipping back into old habits where 30 pages a chapter were perfectly normal... |D I'll try to cut the next ones shorter and update more often instead. <3  
> I hope you're enjoying this chapter! I loved writing it, it's the chapter that finally sets things in motion. Prepare for a lot more... well, interaction is the wrong word here but a lot more or Erwin and Levi spending time together. <3 
> 
> THANK YOU for all the comments and kudos, they're lovely and I'm happy about every single one! :333 
> 
> And now enjoy the chapter! <3

~*~

Levi skipped school on Wednesday afternoon. Instead of falling asleep in math class (it wouldn't have been the first time) he snuck out of school with Isabel and Farlan and they spent the day in the run down shacks by the river, eating ice cream and listening to music that was playing from Levi's mobile phone. Levi was aware that being caught skipping school would have been bad, especially in his case as they were already on his ass about the whole pick-pocketing thing – he just didn't care very much. Chances were pretty low that anybody would see them in their little hiding spot at all, not many people went there. 

They were having a good time, laying on the roof of a crooked shack and joking around. Levi let them do most of the talking, glancing up at the sunny sky with squinting eyes. Sometimes he wished he was a bird... they could just fly wherever they pleased, getting away whenever they felt like it. He actually felt an aching pressure in his chest at the thought, as if something within just urged him to get up and fly... but nothing would come from giving in to that urge, apart from bruised limbs and dirty clothes when he crashed down to the earthy ground. 

He grew restless at some point – he knew that he shouldn't be late for his hours of community service. But, if he was really honest, that wasn't really it. He felt a draw towards the hospital... which had nothing to do with the dirty sheets or the medication that had to be passed out to the sick people on the ward. No... that wasn't the reason for him taking a bus earlier than he would have had to to comfortably make it on time. 

Janet at the reception desk frowned at him when he showed up early and asked him if his watch was broken, to which he only arched an eyebrow. “People are still wearing watches...?” he muttered when he shoved his things into a locker and changed into the dirty white hospital gown. 

Taking the elevator up to the fifth floor he snuck past the nurse's station and down the corridor until he rounded the corner, taking a deep breath when he came to a stop in front of the grayish door of room 576. Maybe he should go see Dr. Miller before just entering the patient's room... but he wasn't going to stay long, he didn't have that much time before his shift would start. He just wanted to – well, say hello. Since he had told Erwin that he would be back on Wednesday.  
He shook his head at himself for the thought. 

Reaching out he pushed down the door's handle and entered the room, closing the door behind him – and came to a sudden halt when he realized that he wasn't alone with the two comatose men. 

It was a surprising sight for him – even though he had only been in this room twice it had always seemed deserted. Lonely, like nobody apart from him would ever enter the room to look after the two patients. Which was a really stupid impression, of course there were doctors and nurses fluttering in and out to look after the patients. But this was different – the woman wasn't wearing a hospital gown, yet she wasn't a visitor. She wasn't sitting next to Erwin Smith's bed, no, she was standing next to him. And she had his frail, pale arm in her hands when she looked up at Levi, who had obviously interrupted something. 

He took a step back, mumbling an apology and was about to leave then room quickly when she spoke up, tilting her short haired head to the side with a smile on her lips. 

“By all means, if you need to take some vitals I won't be in your way.” Then she frowned. “Usually my time doesn't collide with any check ups, was there a change in the schedule that I'm unaware of...?” 

Levi swallowed at the multitude of words that he wasn't really prepared to deal with – he hadn't been prepared for a confrontation like this at all. 

He took a breath and then shook his head, his hand reached for the door handle. 

“No no, I – I'm not a nurse or something, I'll just go.” 

Her frown deepened a little, the smile on her lips stayed untouched of that. 

“And who are you then?”, she asked him, sounding genuinely curious and not annoyed at all. 

Levi turned back around to face her, his back pressed against the painted wood of the door. 

“No one. I was just... checking in on him, to see... if he's okay,” he said vaguely, feeling a little more stupid with every word he said. He had absolutely no business here... just entering a total stranger's room to sit with him and talk to him? She would probably report him for snooping around or something and he deserved it for his carelessness. 

Her face lit up with some realization that he didn't quite understand but her words rendered him speechless for some seconds regardless. 

“Oh, are you Levi?” He could only stare at her and she smiled, finally placing Erwin Smith's arm back down onto the white covers. “Dr. Miller told me that you might stop by today – apparently she was right,” she said with a smile, and then walked to the foot of the bed to push the blankets on Erwin's legs away. She picked up his foot and slowly started turning it, carefully moving it this way and that before tending to the toes, bending every single one of them. Levi could only stare for another few seconds. 

“What... are you doing...?” he couldn't stop himself from asking, not entirely understanding the whole procedure. She flashed him a quick smile before turning back to Erwin Smith's limp body, keeping one hand on his thigh while she bent the leg with the other, repeating the process at a slow pace. 

“I'm moving his body. It's necessary, since it's the only thing we can do to keep his body from ankylosing.” 

“Anky- what?” Levi frowned at her, watching her very carefully tilt the man's leg from the left to the right. 

“Ah, that means to stiffen. Sorry, those foreign terms must be confusing,” she smiled and Levi could only nod to that. He had heard so many weird Latin or Greek or whatever words in this hospital that his head was already spinning. 

He watched her work, couldn't help but keep looking back at the patient's face to see if there was something, anything, moving. But there was just nothing, blue, empty eyes staring straight into the direction the woman was shifting his head. Levi swallowed thickly. 

“So... you're a... physical therapist...?” 

“That's right,” she beamed at him, “I'm Mira,” she pointed at her name tag that said 'Mira Benson, physical therapist'. Levi nodded, not about to introduce himself because apparently everybody seemed to know who he was anyway. He wondered, in a moment of annoyance, if they were talking about him a lot in the nurse's stations on this floor. 

He stood there for another minute before approaching the man's bed cautiously, standing at the end of it. His eyes followed the physical therapist's skillful hands, watching her bend limps, carefully move joints, pull, push, shift the frail body around on the hospital bed slowly, deliberately. Levi wondered how she did that with patient's that were... well, more. Erwin Smith was only skin and bones, he didn't look too heavy to move around. 

“It's for... his muscles...?” he guessed, feeling his cheeks heat up in fear of having said something stupid. The short haired woman flashed him a smile though, slowly circled the man's other foot with both of her hands. 

“That, and the joints. Imagine laying around for years without moving at all... I'm keeping him mobile. Even if... well, even if he won't ever move his limbs on his own again.” She threw a glance at her patient's face and her smile grew wistful – Levi shivered. 

“Well I know how stiff I get after a weekend of playing video games,” he muttered and she gave a little snort at that. Levi swallowed again. He at least got up to eat and pee when he was marathon-gaming with Farlan and Isabel. 

“How often do you do that?” he asked, making a vague gesture at the man's limp form. 

“Once a week,” she said with a sigh that made Levi arch an eyebrow at her. Once a week...? Once a week over ten years? That were 520 times of moving each joint and muscle. That didn't really sound all that much. 

“And that's enough...?” he asked, a light frown settling on his features. The expression she was giving him was already enough of an answer without her having to say it out loud. 

“No... it should be done more often. But I only get these 30 minutes with him every Wednesday, unfortunately,” she sounded genuinely sad when she spoke, “the nurses here are busy, they can't do it. We sometimes teach relatives a few things so they can help moving the patient when they come to visit... but... Erwin doesn't get visitors very often.” 

Levi's frown only deepened at that last comment. 

“He... doesn't?” The room didn't look like there were people coming by... no flowers, no 'get well' pictures or cards or pictures in general. There was absolutely nothing to make this hospital room a little less depressing. 

Mira sighed again, her dark eyes looking up at Erwin Smith's impassive face. Her hand gently squeezed her patient's lower arm. 

“No... he's been here for almost 10 years already. In the beginning his mother practically lived here, friends came to see him, too. But... ten years is a very long time, Levi. And when the patient's condition doesn't change and doctors stop doing tests because... well, because it's been too long... then... it's sad, I know.” 

Sad? Levi wasn't sure if sad was the right word here. Yes, ten years was a very long time... but that didn't change a relationship's status, did it? Erwin Smith was still that woman's son... and those people's friend... people didn't stop caring about people because they went into a coma, did they? Levi couldn't grasp the concept. If he had been able to he would have continued to sit at his mother's bed every day for 10 years. 

He squinted at Erwin Smith's face – his heart started thumping when an idea started to form in his head. Levi looked back at the physical therapist, swallowing nervously. 

“Could you... teach me a few things...? I have to be here several times a week anyway... I could make give you a hand... or two, in that case.” He felt his cheeks flush once again. 

Mira Benson blinked at him, tilting her head to the side, contemplating him for several seconds. 

“Seriously? I... well... you're not a relative... I'd have to ask Dr. Miller first.” Well, Levi wasn't even working here... he was sure that there were protocols that they had to follow and those probably excluded criminal strangers from being allowed to work with patients. But apparently nobody else was willing to put any more work into this patient anyway... and if Levi could do something here... he was willing to do it. 

Mira's lips curled up in a smile. “You know what? I'll ask Dr. Miller what she thinks about this. When do you get off tonight?” 

His heart did a little jump at her words and he almost stumbled over his own. “Uhm, I, uh... until eight.” 

She beamed at him. “Perfect, I'll ask her. Come back here after you're done, okay? If she's giving us permission I'll teach you some things later.” 

Levi felt his heart jump again. “Yeah, sure,” he breathed out quickly, not about to wait for her to change her mind. “I... should go, my shift is about to start.” 

The short haired woman nodded, still smiling. “Yes, of course. I'll do what I can,” she said, reaching for her patient's arm again. “Thank you for volunteering, Levi. It would be really good for Erwin if you worked with him another couple of times a week.” 

He just nodded at her, reaching out a hesitant hand to grasp the pale man's ankle. He looked up at him when he squeezed him gently and his words were mostly directed at the comatose man when he spoke. “I'll see you later.” 

“Looking forward to it,” Mira beamed and Levi took a step back, letting go of the man's ankle before leaving the room. 

His heart didn't stop beating all through the four hours of manual work that he had to serve that day, his emotions were a total turmoil. What had he volunteered to...? He didn't know shit, he was just a little brat who was pick-pocketing because he had nothing else to prove - and he wanted to work with a patient? What if something happened? What if he caused damage that couldn't be undone, what if he hurt that man who couldn't even tell him that he was hurting? 

He had to take a couple of deep breaths at that, trying to rid himself of that feeling. Dr. Miller would never allow it anyway. She couldn't, right? He was nobody, he didn't have a degree and hadn't done any course or apprenticeship or whatever it took to be allowed to work with patients. She wouldn't allow it. 

He was apprehensive... and still excited. The thought of maybe being supportive to this man, of maybe helping him in some way... did fill him with a positive feeling that was fighting all the negativity. Maybe... this was something good. 

But Dr. Miller still wouldn't allow it. 

She couldn't. 

When he was finally done after four hours of helping out in the laundry department, scrubbing floors and passing out dinners to the patients he walked back to room 576 with wobbly legs. Damn... on one hand he was hoping that Dr. Miller would just say no, and on the other hand he desperately wanted her to say yes. Weird, constricting feelings made him swallow thickly when he rounded the corner, the urge to flee from the decision was so strong that he nearly turned on his heels when he realized both Dr. Miller and the physical therapist were standing outside of Erwin Smith's door. 

Both of them were looking at him when he approached them with hesitant steps, he only eased up a little when he saw the slight smile on Mira Benson's face. Did that mean...? 

“You're a very particular boy, Levi,” Dr. Miller said, her own lips curled upwards in a smile. “Mira told me that you'd like to learn a few things from her... that's usually the patient's relatives' option, if they want contribute to the patient's recovery. A stranger without any specific knowledge doing this... is very unusual.” Levi's heart sank at that. 

“However... I thought about it. It's a unique, unprecedented situation - but I think this might be beneficial to the patient. Erwin doesn't have anybody working exclusively with him, we can only provide the standard procedures. I've decided to allow Mira to teach you some things.” 

Levi could only stare at the both of them for a few seconds, not actually able to believe what he was hearing. He was just about to open his mouth to object when the blond doctor raised a  
monitory finger. 

“Under some conditions, of course. I'll explain later, though, it's getting late so we should probably get started.” 

Levi's lips parted and both women looked at him expectantly – now was the time, he could still turn back. He could walk away from this, could ensure that he wouldn't get in trouble if something went horribly wrong. 

But... 

He only closed his mouth and gave them a tense nod, followed them into the patient's room when they entered and turned on the light. He hesitantly joined them at Erwin Smith's bed, immediately realizing that something was different. 

He was laying on his side. The bed was almost flat down and his head was comfortably bedded on a pillow – his skin almost faded into the white of the pillow case. The effect was underlined by the absence of the two patches of cerulean blue that usually defined his face; but his eyes were closed. Levi's eyes immediately latched onto the man's chest, anxiously checking if he was still breathing. Which he was, Erwin was taking the very same, slow breaths that he always did. 

Levi noticed the long, blond lashes for the first time in that moment. 

He frowned at the two woman and gestured at the man's still form, about to shower them with a million questions, but Dr. Miller had already picked up on his confusion. 

“He's been moved, Levi. Comatose patients have to be moved every few hours, to avoid decubitus.” When Levi's frown only deepened Mira smiled at him. “Another stupid Latin word, hm? Decubitus means bedsore, which occurs due to pressure applied to soft tissue resulting in completely or partially obstructed blood flow to the soft tissue. It's really painful and to be avoided at all costs, especially when the patient can't tell you that he's feeling pain.” 

Levi nodded, that made a lot of sense... he started to realize that there was so much more to taking care of patients than just changing bed sheets, passing out meals and medications and washing patients. He found it interesting and terrifying at the same time – nurses had a huge responsibility to carry, he couldn't imagine dealing with all the pressure. 

He looked back at Erwin Smith's face, finding the sight strangely odd. He looked like he was sleeping peacefully... just like he could open his eyes and yawn at them any second, telling them to get out and turn off the light. 

“He's... his eyes are closed...?” 

Dr. Miller nodded while Mira went over to the table in the corner to push a chair over to the blond patient's bed. 

“Yes, he's sleeping. Even in their vegetative state patients have a functioning sleep-wake cycle. If you come back at different times you will sometimes catch them up, sometimes they'll be sleeping.” 

Levi could only stare. That... it was so strange. He wasn't only breathing, blinking, swallowing, he was also sleeping... which meant that he was 'awake' when he had his eyes open... Levi didn't get it. How could he be... 'gone' if he even had times when he was awake and times when he was asleep? What was the difference between them if there was no 'conscience' that needed sleep to rest? 

He took a breath, deciding that he would ponder the meaning of life and death later, and approached the chair that Mira gestured at. 

“Have a seat, I'll explain a few things to you in advance.” 

And she didn't lose any time doing just that. 

Levi did, without any doubt, learn more about the human anatomy than he ever would in his entire life, in just an hour of intense crash coursing. She explained to him why all of this was so important, how to touch a patient, where to hold, what to push and what not to pull, how to measure the strength that he was applying. Levi learned that sometimes less was so much more and that sensitivity was the key in all of this. Since Erwin couldn't tell him what was too much and what was not enough Levi had to know, to feel it, and that would only come with experience. 

They agreed that Levi wasn't going to shift the man around, that he would leave that to the nurses – he also was to leave the man's neck alone. But Mira showed him how to move the man's limbs, his arms and legs and fingers and toes, and Levi was not only breaking a sweat from the responsibility that he was entrusted with. This was hard work, he quickly realized, and by far not as easy as it looked. His touch was hesitant, tentative at first, but he grew more confident when he didn't hear any bones crack or sinews snap when he bent long fingers – he noticed that Erwin Smith needed to have his nails clipped. 

“You're doing great,” Mira beamed at him when he had finished one round of moving all the limbs that he was allowed to, and Levi slowly let go of a breath that he had been holding. He had been looking up at Erwin Smith's face frantically whenever he had had the impression of having pulled or pushed too much... but the man still had his eyes closed, nothing about him had changed through the routine. 

He gently put the man's arm down onto the mattress and slumped in the chair, wiping his forehead with his wrist. 

“It's... harder than it looks...” 

Mira laughed at that. “Yeah, it really is. But I think you figured it out just fine, Levi. What do you think, Dr. Miller?” 

The blond neurologist had kept herself in the background during Levi's lesson, giving them space. She had been watching though, Levi had felt green eyes follow his every move – Erwin Smith was her patient and her responsibility, she would have had to explain the mess if anything had happened to the man under her watch. 

Lea Miller tilted her head to the side and smiled, pushing her hands into the pockets of her white coat. 

“I think it's fine. As long as you do exactly what you've been taught, Levi, you can't do any damage. So don't worry. It's certainly a good learning experience for you and for Erwin... well, the more his body is being moved the more mobile he'll stay. So I guess it's a win-win-situation. You have my approval.” 

Levi's heart leaped at her words and Mira beamed at him, squeezing his shoulder in a stroke of enthusiasm. Levi felt weirdly proud and terrified at the same time, not entirely able to believe that he was actually being allowed to do this on his own. 

“I'd ask you to check in with me whenever you want to see Erwin, that's one condition. I need to know what's happening in my ward, it's part of the protocol. In the unlikely case that I'm not here I'll inform my stand-in, which is Dr. Bennet, don't hesitate to ask for him. Good... another thing: should you have as much as a light cough, the beginning of a cold – don't enter this room. That's very important. Due to all the medication he's getting he's susceptible to any kind of virus or germ, you could infect him very easily. Disinfect your hands before you touch him, to be sure.” 

He nodded right away, his eyes glancing up at the sleeping man's face. 

“Of course, I promise. I wouldn't do anything to harm him, I just... want to help...” he said, feeling his cheeks heat up. Mira squeezed his shoulder again. 

“You'll do great. If you'll be here next Wednesday we can do it together again and I can teach you another thing or two,” she offered, and Levi nodded at her. “That would be great...” 

Dr. Miller looked at him, her smile turning into a serious expression that had Levi's full attention within seconds. 

“Levi... there's one more thing. I know I said this before but it's really very important, even more so under these circumstances. I'm saying this for your sake: I know that working with a patient, especially since he's the only one you're getting this close to, forms attachment. He's being entrusted into your care, he's your responsibility, and he's a living human being who is vulnerable and dependent on you. But... you can't forget that his state is not going to change. We're merely maintaining the functions that are still there, he's been unresponsive for too long to still be actively treated. It sounds cruel, I know, but we have done everything we could when we still had a chance of getting him back. We weren't able to, and the least we can do is to make sure that he's being treated with dignity and that he gets everything he needs for as long as he's still breathing. But... don't expect anything from this, Levi. If you want to do this with the expectation of a visible result... then don't do it. You're only going to be disappointed. If you're doing this out of kindness and because you want to contribute to his treatment, you're welcome to work with him as long as you want to. Is that understood?” 

Levi had listened to her closely, careful to keep his face in check. What she was saying... did sound cruel to him. They had given up on a man that was still breathing, sleeping and waking up. He didn't understand it... but he wasn't a doctor. He was sure that they knew what they were talking about, and that they had tried whatever they could. And still... it wasn't that he had expectations. He was a realist, had never bought any bull shit about miracles and divine forces and fate and such. He also wasn't so full of himself that he thought that his words, his touch could do what years of professional care hadn't been able to accomplish. Hell no. But... he wanted to do this. He couldn't really place where the need came from but he wanted to help, to talk, to touch, to reassure and to fill this room with a little life. His own life was so entirely pointless that he felt the need to make a difference in another person's life, however small that difference may have been. 

Levi cleared his throat. 

“Understood,” he confirmed, holding the gaze from green eyes until her lips turned up into a smile again. 

“Good,” she said, reaching back to pull her blonde hair into a ponytail with quick movements of her hands, “now that this is decided we should leave the men alone, it's getting late. I'm sure you should get home, Levi, your family might be worried already.” 

Levi snorted at that. “They're not worried, trust me,” he muttered but got up from the chair nonetheless, moving to put it back where it had come from. Both women looked at him expectantly and he felt his heart beat, his cheeks flush. 

“I, uh... I would like to say goodbye to him, I'll be out in a minute,” he mumbled, glancing at the patient that had been entrusted into his care – was it stupid that he felt weirdly touched? And connected already? Probably... feeling connected to a man that was in a coma was probably very stupid. He was already starting to understand what the doctor had meant by forming attachment to a patient. 

The two women looked at each other and shared a look that Levi couldn't quite place but they did leave him alone with Erwin Smith, telling him not to linger too long. 

Levi stepped up to the blond man's bed, looking at his still form – Mira had rolled him back onto his side after they had moved him onto his back for the exercises that they had done with him. It wasn't so easy, she had to carefully move the tubes that lead into the man's arm and stomach and the catheter when she moved his body. That was one of the reasons why Levi wasn't going to change the man's position. 

He looked comfortable now, at least... Levi liked sleeping on his side, too. 

He took a breath and then crouched down, setting one knee onto the linoleum floor so he could look into the pale face when he spoke. 

“You really slept through all of this... you have my respect, I would have been awake and kicking people in the face in an instant,” he told the comatose man, thinking how the closing of the front door in his apartment could wake him even when he was locked in his bed room. He had never had a very deep sleep. 

“Thank you for not kicking me in the face, though, I appreciate it,” he muttered, his lips curving up into a slight smile. “I hope you won't mind seeing my face some more in the next few weeks... I'll do my best to be a good personal trainer, I promise.” 

He was about to tell the man goodbye for the day when there was a sudden movement on the man's impassive face: his eyes opened, the two cerulean orbs staring straight ahead and right into Levi's eyes. 

Levi almost jumped out of his skin and he couldn't suppress the gasp that escaped him before he could slap his hand over his mouth to stifle it. His heart was racing and he stared at him with wide eyes for a few seconds until realization sank down on him and all he could do was shake his head at himself. He had just opened his eyes... natural impulse, nothing weird at all. 

He lowered his hands, a nervous chuckle bubbled up his throat. “Jesus Christ, you just scared the shit out of me,” he muttered, staring into the empty, blue eyes. He shook his head again. “I'm already lousy at this, I'm sorry that you're stuck with me from now on.” But... one thing he had already embedded, it seemed. He remembered Mira's words: 'Making contact with the patient is important, let them know who you are and what you're doing with them.' Got it. 

Levi cleared his throat, trying his best to procure a reassuring smile onto his features. 

“But hey, you're back... I'm sorry for waking you, it's me, Levi... I don't usually sit in front of people's faces and watch them sleep, I swear. I'm weird but usually not that kind.” He paused and then started again, his shoulders relaxing now that the momentary scariness of the situation had passed. “I don't know if you remember me, I'm the guy who bothered you a few days ago, too. Told you boring stuff about my community service... yeah, that's me.” He frowned a little at himself, realizing that he was babbling stupid things. He took another deep breath. 

“Well... I hope it's okay that I'll crowd your space some more from now on... I'll try to move you as well as I can, it's supposed to be good for you and your muscles and joints.” 

He fell silent, studying the still face for a few seconds. Levi tried to imagine him when had been conscious, when he had been going to school and when he had laughed with his friends. Erwin probably hadn't been this haggard when he had been conscious. He had long lashes, stunning blue eyes, prominent cheek bones and... sinful lips. He couldn't think of another word, they were shaped perfectly. 

The man's blond hair was falling into his face and Levi hesitated when reaching out, very carefully brushing a few strands behind his ear. Not only his nails needed to be clipped, his hair could use a cut, too... Levi wondered if, when and by who comatose patients were being taken care of in that way. They couldn't just leave it all growing, could they...? He made a mental note to ask about all these things when he got to speak to Dr. Miller next time. 

Levi tilted his head to the side, his lips curling up in a smile. “I should get out of your hair, it's late... but I'll come back soon.” He shifted his hand to the pale, much larger one that was laying still on the mattress, slid his small fingers into it to give a gentle squeeze. “Goodbye, for now,” he said, already letting go of the warm, limp hand. 

When it suddenly squeezed back. 

It was just a short, little twitch but it was unmistakably a movement - Levi was frozen to the spot for some very long seconds, the hairs at the back of his neck standing on end. His eyes were probably as wide as saucers when he stared at the completely motionless face, his breath coming out in short pants. 

“What... the fuck...?” 

He hadn't. Had he? He couldn't have, he had been in a coma for ten years and had been unresponsive and nothing had worked and he had never moved a muscle and - 

Levi was on his feet so fast that he felt dizzy for a moment, reached for the little controller with the red button that every patient had when being in a hospital, be they comatose or not, and pressed down on it. 

It didn't even take them ten seconds to come running, first Dr. Miller with worry clearly shown on her face and a nurse right behind her, and Levi stared at them with wide eyes. 

“Levi, what's wr-” 

“He squeezed my hand,” Levi pressed out, his voice trembling slightly, “I was saying goodbye and squeezed his hand he squeezed back, he squeezed my hand...!” 

Dr. Miller stared at him, blinking slowly, and then closed her eyes for a few seconds. She then turned to the nurse who seemed to be waiting for an order, her body tense and ready to dash wherever she had to at any second. 

“It's alright, Karen, I got this. Go back to the station, I'll join you in a minute.” 

The dark skinned nurse frowned slightly at the neurologist but nodded, she disappeared in the brightly lit hallway and left Levi alone with the doctor and the two comatose men. 

Levi stared at her, still unable to grasp the whole situation. Lea Miller smiled gently at him, approaching Erwin Smith's bed. 

“Levi... I'm sorry, I should have told you. This is something that happens... it's not the first time that his hand twitched, it's a muscular reflex.” Levi could only stare, his heart hammering against his rib cage. “Do you know that feeling when you're close to falling asleep, and suddenly, without you wanting to, your legs twitch? Sometimes the muscles around your eyes twitch, or your biceps. The human body is the weirdest and most interesting thing that there is and I'm sure this came to you as a shock, especially after me telling you to not expect him to react to anything, right?” 

Levi nodded, concentrating on her calm voice. It was comforting, he felt himself relax a little more the longer she spoke to him. 

“He didn't react, Levi. It was a reflex that happened, unfortunately, just at the right time. It's natural to think it's a reaction but I assure you that it's not.” 

Levi took a shuddering breath, his eyes looking down at Erwin Smith's face. Motionless, the stunning blue eyes open, blinking from time to time. 

“How do you know...?” he whispered, unable to look away from the pale face, the fingers that had just squeezed his own. “How can you be sure?” 

Lea Miller sighed. “There's an easy way to find out, actually.” Levi blinked, and she continued speaking. 

“By definition, we only speak of a reaction when the reaction can be conditioned. Thus, to find out if it was a reaction to something you did you simply repeat your action. If you get the same result several times we can speak of a reaction.” 

Levi looked up at her, frowning slightly. “So... I just squeeze his hand again...?” 

She nodded at him. “That's right.” 

Levi looked back at the blond man, biting his lip when he crouched down in front of him again. His hand did tremble slightly when he reached out to grasp his hand once more, sliding his fingers into the bigger hand to squeeze it again. 

He waited. 

He tried again. 

But the pale hand didn't squeeze back, didn't even twitch. 

Levi closed his eyes for a second and expelled a breath that he had been holding, letting go of the man's hand after a final squeeze. 

“Nothing,” he said, not sure if he was relieved or disappointed. He looked back at the man, straight into the blue orbs. There was nothing... a reflex of muscles, that was all, just a little twitching muscle... 

“I'm sorry, Levi... that's exactly what I meant. I should have told you about this but it doesn't occur that often so I didn't think about it... he's unresponsive, trust me on that. We've tried for years...” The pause she made caused Levi to look up at her, and he saw her bite her lip. “I have to ask you again: are we clear on this? I really only can allow you to keep doing this if you're free of expectations.” 

Levi's heart skipped a beat at her reconsideration and he nodded quickly, looking at her in all honesty. 

“No, I understand. This just scared the hell out of me, I didn't expect this at all... I'm sorry for causing trouble, it won't happen again.” 

She held his gaze for a few seconds before relaxing, her lips curling back into a smile. 

“That's alright,” she said, reaching out to grasp Levi's shoulder, “please don't scare my night nurse like that again. If anything happens while you're doing exercises with Erwin, just come to me unless it's a real emergency.” 

Levi nodded, allowing her to lead him out of the patients' room after a last look at Erwin Smith's still form. 

He exchanged goodbyes with Dr. Miller, apologizing again, and she let him off wishing him a good night. 

He took the elevator downstairs and got his things from the locker, changed into his normal clothes. His thoughts were still racing and they didn't stop even when he entered his apartment. Everything was dark and he vaguely remembered his uncle currently being on the early shift. As it was already past ten he was already in bed. Not that Levi minded, his desire to see his uncle was never were strong. 

After making himself a sandwich he locked himself in his bedroom and smoked a cigarette by his open window. He was sitting on the broad window sill, his head tipped back against the window frame when he inhaled deep, calming drafts into his lungs. He closed his eyes, letting the chain of events pass in front of his inner eye again, shivering when he thought about that squeeze, that little twitch of the pale hand. A muscle reflex... didn't occur often but occurred. 

Stubbing the cigarette out on the outside window sill he flipped it down onto the street and then hopped off the window sill, sitting down at his desk and booted the old laptop. He ate his sandwich while the ancient system set itself up until he could access the internet. Slowly but steadily. 

Levi Ackermann spent the biggest part of Wednesday night reading everything he could find about the vegetative state, about treatments and therapies and studies and medicine and behavior around people being in it. He also read field reports of people who had woken up after years of being in a coma, about their experiences and the experiences from friends and relatives. 

He printed several things out, collecting it all in a folder that he named 'Erwin Smith', and he still hadn't slept when his uncle got up for his morning shift at five. That didn't matter, he had math class to sleep through – he knew a lot more now, but there were also so many more questions now... he had ideas. No expectations... but a strong sense of obligation towards this man. After reading all of this... he believed Dr. Miller when she said that Erwin Smith was unresponsive and that they had tried everything. Levi would try again. And even if he got nothing from this, if he never got a reaction, maybe, just maybe, somewhere in the vast layers of oblivion that was the human conscience, he could somehow reach this man. Could make his existence a little better, more interesting, less monotonous. Of he could manage that... then he'd have accomplished more than he'd ever dreamed of accomplishing. 

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one is coming up soon, I'm already on it! :333


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